​I work with clients all over the world and I have noticed something, not sure why it took me so long.

Some business owners and leaders (the boss) really struggle with being too nice. It is almost like they have a “too nice disease.”So why is that?

Here are just a few reasons that I suggest, and at the bottom a way to have a critical conversation with an employee and feel good about it when you are done.

Fear

We have all experienced it, and to some degree are controlled by it. So… what is it? A basic definition could be: reverence or being afraid. But the type of struggle that this lesson is referring to is the fear of discomfort or pain.

Most of us will avoid pain at all costs. What does this have to do with being the boss? Good question. Your past experiences, both good and bad, will determine the way you lead.

Rejection

I have never met a person that likes to be rejected. Business owners that have had bad experiences with rejection will guard themselves from being rejected.

As the boss you must stop, look at your options, decide on what to do, and then take action. Don’t think about the possible rejection in your action.

Loss Of control

This is not to say that the boss is a control freak, but control is a “comfort zone” to him. The struggle of losing control is displayed in a leadership style often called “micromanagement.”

In other words, the boss is afraid to delegate responsibilities because if things get out of control he will not be able to take corrective action fast enough.

Employee Dependence

We all depend on people, from our families, to our doctors, to the garbage collectors that pick up our trash on a regular basis. Employee dependence is a struggle that is much deeper than simply depending on someone.

This struggle comes each day when the business owner senses that something may be wrong with his “key” person. He then begins to wonder about the loyalty of this person. She often begins to ask mental questions like, “What if this person quits?

How would I make it without him? What can I do to make sure she is happy in her job?” On and on the questions go. The grip of this struggle is strong but must be eliminated.

Financial Challenges

Business owners are always facing challenges, but financial fears have a way of gripping like no other. New programs or ventures take capital. Employees needed to expand and grow increases the salary budget. Additional equipment to increase overall efficiency requires funds to be spent.

The strength of financial pressures often causes the owner to begin accepting the status quo; and will often cause him to give up on his dreams.

​Now that we have identified a few struggles, one more seems to be rampant – having a critical conversation with an employee. Below are four very simple statements and/or questions that will help you have a critical conversation.

I suggest that you write these down on a 3×5 card and keep them close by.

What I mean by that is while these helpful hints below will work, they only work if you remember to use them. By the way, they work as a parent, spouse, and friend.

Say this to the person:

1. When I see or hear ________________________
2. I feel ____________________________
3. Because I need or want _______________________________
4. I would like you to _____________________ or would you be willing to ____________________?

Something like this.

1. When I hear you speak rudely to a customer.
2. I feel frustrated that they are being treated that way.
3. Because I want our business to be a place where customers love to shop and find solutions to their needs and wants.
4. I would like you to only speak one-on-one with a customer when you have another employee shadowing you so you will be careful with your words.