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How to Build Trust Quickly with Ron Finklestein

by | In the Magazine, Ron Finklestein | 0 comments

We have all met someone we immediately liked.

I was in New York on a business trip and I met a product manager from a large technology firm. We became fast friends over dinner at Ruths Chris Steak House’ and have remained friends for over 20 years. How did that happen so quickly?

Most of us have not been taught the essential skill of rapport building. Teaching this skill is beyond what we can cover in this short article. What I want to focus on is that it is an essential skill to learn and develop.

Have you met someone who talks so fast you ’couldnt keep up?

If so, you were out of rapport. Have you walked with someone who was walking so slow you wanted to reach out and help them along? If so, you were out of rapport. Have you walked away from a meeting and wondered what happened? If so, you were out of rapport. I could go on, but you get my drift.

I recently went shopping for a new dryer. I am a facts-oriented kind of buyer when I don’t understand something. So I went to the Internet to read customers’ comments on dryers. I intended to use this as a place to start.

I went into the first store and asked the sales professional questions about a specific dryer. She started telling me all about what she heard—all second-hand. This approach did not resonate with me, so I left.

I went into another store and asked the sales professional about the same dryer I had looked at in the first store. I asked the individual this question: “What can you tell me about this dryer?” His response: “I own one, what do you want to know?”

I thought, “Finally I can get some answers!”

I asked him why he purchased the dryer. Here is what he said: “Because I needed a new washer and I wanted a matching dryer.” I left. He gave me no useful information.

At the last store, I asked about the same dryer. His response: “I prefer this brand of the dryer because that’s what my family used and I am comfortable with them.” I left again.

I finally went to a repair shop and asked them the same question. They answered my questions, and I purchased a used dryer that my wife is very happy with.

What did the first three buying situations have in common?

We were entirely out of rapport. They were each selling to me the way they bought, and they did not understand what was important to me as a buyer.

In the last situation, we were in total rapport. They sold to me the way I wanted to buy. People buy from people most like them. When they see commonalities, they are more likely to like you. When they like you, you are well on your way to building trust. As we all know, people like to buy from others they like and trust.

Here are some things you can do to start building rapport immediately

1. Pacing.

This is merely pacing yourself to the same speed as the person you are talking to. If they are talking fast, pick up your speed. If they walk slower, slow down your pace.

2. Visual.

Studies have shown that if you look like you should, trust goes up. For example, if I am expecting to meet with a plumber and instead of a van the plumber pulls into the driveway in a Mercedes convertible, a quick disconnect is created. This applies to the way you dress, the way you style your hair and a host of other actions you may not be aware of.

3. Seating.

Women prefer to sit across the table when talking business. Men prefer to sit side by side. Many women are not comfortable sitting side by side with someone they don’t know well.

4. Touching.

Some people are natural “touchers.” They will give you a hug when shaking your hand; they may hold it a bit longer than what’s comfortable, etc. If you like that kind of interaction, dont assume that others will enjoy it as well. Wait until you know them a little better and then decide how to act. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

There are dozens of simple and easy ways to build rapport. We dont know them.

Take some time and pay attention to your behaviors to see if what you do is helping or hurting you.

 About the Contributor Ron Finklestein

Ron Finklestein, called the “Real Deal” by his clients, is the creator of the InstituteforBusinessGrowth.org. Ron specializes in growing sales through leadership training, business coaching, sales training and consulting. Ron can be reached at info@instituteforbusinessgrowth.org / 330-990-0788 /www.instituteforbusinessgrowth.org

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