By Chandra Lynn, Strategic Intervention Coach & Host, GlowLiving.com

Imagine singing in front of an arena full of adoring, screaming fans and feeling the high that comes from being center stage. Then imagine going from the stage to your own luxury tour bus and hearing nothing but the hum of wheels on the road and feeling severely lonely and dissatisfied with life. This happened to a client of mine who called me after a sold-out arena show.

Despite achieving “legendary rock star” status, he was still not satisfied with his life even though others perceived it as the kind of success that dreams are made of. Why? For one thing, people define success differently. We may think he has it all, but money, fame and power didn’t fulfill his true inner desires for genuine intimacy and the human need for deep love and connection. For many, success is achieving fame and fortune, but for some it’s simply getting through a single day without a drop of alcohol, and others may see success as contributing on a global level by headlining a benefit concert. The truth is that most people really don’t know what would make them deeply satisfied… even when they’ve achieved levels of success that they thought would be enough.

As children, we define what we do and don’t want for our lives based on our role models and experiences while growing up. Every situation gets filed under “Yes, I want that” or “No, I don’t want that,” which creates a subconscious road map for our lives. However, it’s full of conflict because we can file multiple things that don’t work together in the same place.

For example, my client wanted to be a touring musician yet also wanted a family-oriented home life with wife and kids. While on the road it was hard for him to find a suitable wife, but once he found a wife and had children he was challenged by the amount of touring that was required to be successful because it took him away from his family. He was able to create a balance for a while by composing and recording at home. However, to maintain his popularity and career success, he was called back to the road life and had to face new obstacles for maintaining the balance he created.

Staying in balance takes continuous, applied effort and there are many internal and external factors that can throw off your balance. When you identify something in your life that is no longer working for you such as a job or an aspect of a relationship, it means we’re growing and it’s normal.

Updating Your Map With 3 Key Life Questions

It may seem like external circumstances are to blame but consider the possibility that your conflicts are coming from your own “map.” This is good news because it means that although your current life conditions don’t sync with your map, you can change it. How? Change your life conditions or change your map.

Having an updated map is what centers you and gives you the basis for making decisions that meet your needs at high levels. To update your map, start with these three key life questions. The answers can inform all the decisions you make to consciously create a roadmap that is aligned to your truth and your higher purpose. The first question is:

What do I want? Knowing your truth will help you communicate it to those around you so that you can attract the support you need to create a new vision. The second question is:

Why do I want it? Understanding the why is important so that you can determine whether you want it for healthy reasons, to satisfy your ego or because you think you “should” attain it to satisfy something you value. Most people don’t answer the why question and if you do, you may uncover something about your roadmap. The third questions is:

What am I willing to do to get it? You may be blocked from achieving your goals because you’re unwilling to put in the amount of effort you think it will take to make the necessary sacrifice. Another possibility is that you don’t believe you deserve to have what you want, or that it’s unavailable to you. Holding yourself back in these ways will only prove to increase dissatisfaction and reduce levels of fulfillment over time which can lead to bigger problems.

Personal fulfillment is important for every human being of course, and to feel joy we all need to feel progress. Take time to answer the three questions above to consciously update your map and increase your joy for life.

Exercise: Getting Unstuck

If after exploring the answers to the three key life questions you still feel stuck with your current life conditions, try this exercise (ideally after doing some physical activity that puts you in an energized, positive state):

1. Think back to yourself as a child and recall any visions you had for your life. Write them out in as much detail as you can. What did you want to be when you grew up? Where did you want to live and in what kind of place? Did you want a romantic partnership and to become a parent?

2. Ask yourself, does your childhood vision match what you want from your adult view of life? If so, why? How does it serve your current needs?

3. If you determine the childhood vision does not serve you anymore, recognize that you need to replace it with a new adult vision based on how much you have grown.

4. To create a new vision, take some time to visualize how you can spend the rest of your life happy with what you have achieved. What do you need to be deeply fulfilled and utterly satisfied?

5. Connect this vision to a higher purpose. Why does this direction make you happy? Who does it serve? What does it tell you about who you are and what you’ve contributed? What do you want to be remembered for?

6. Consider any conflicts that may exist with your current life conditions and determine which direction will give you a healthier and more successful end result.

7. Write out your new vision based on this new understanding and be as specific as possible.  After this, you will have a fairly clear vision but you still need a clear map.

When you live by a subconscious road map it’s like driving from California to New York with only a vague sense of how to get there and why you even wanted to go there in the first place. An effective map involves an integrated plan that is broken down into seven core areas of your life: spirituality, physical body, emotions & meaning, relationships, time, work & career, and finances.

To begin this process, expand your vision to include what you want to achieve in each of these areas; understand how they serve your needs and which needs drive your decisions; list out the actions you can take in each of the areas to realize your visions; set reasonable expectations for when to achieve them; and start taking action.

You don’t have to live your life by default. There are a lot of things you can control to create the level of success that truly meets your needs. Aligning with your higher purpose and creating a healthy map will send you down the road of living out your highest potential.